One of the biggest myths perpetuated by countless women’s magazines (Cosmopolitan, US Weekly) and some men’s magazines (Esquire, Vanity Fair) is that a woman should have a toned, slim, tanned, curvaceous body, in order to be desirable in bed.
But the truth is that we men just want you to like us. Get naked with us. And, we hope, enjoy the ride with us. An “A” list body like Jennifer Aniston’s is not required. Nor is a “B” or “C” list body, for that matter.
I feel compelled to retrace my steps on this sexual minefield because I believe my comments about Aniston and Angelina Jolie in my last HuffPost article were misinterpreted.
In that piece, I defended the attractiveness of Melissa McCarthy and Lena Dunham. I also speculated, perhaps too boldly, that Aniston and Jolie were so self-absorbed that they probably would be disappointing in the sack.
Marni Soupcoff, Managing Editor of HuffPost Blogs, in her own article, “The Week in Review: Boys, Girls, Bodies and Breasts,” claimed that I lost some Prince Charming points because I undermined my chivalrous defense of women’s imperfections by unnecessarily imagining that Aniston and Jolie would be disappointing in bed.
The point of that speculation and the point of this article is that a woman being physically attractive is not the end of the story. But just the beginning.
For a woman to possess a body like Aniston’s does not automatically make her great in the sack. At least for me.
For me (and I am not speaking for all mankind, or even on behalf of my close friends), for a woman to be truly great, the couple has to be truly great together. It is a dance. A tango. Not two separate ships passing in the night.
Between the two of us, there should be playfulness, humour, a spirit of adventure. And at least some care and affection.
It is really about the head and heart. Not the size of the breasts. Or how firm, the body.
For me, humour is key. I know that sounds strange.
But getting naked with someone is inherently funny. Especially in the early stages.
As we try to navigate which legs go where. What about our arms? What side should we be on?
What’s our most comfortable position? Facing each other. Top, bottom, on the side. Spooning.
How best to entangle and disentangle. Shuck and jive. Bob and weave.
And then we try to explore each other. What catches our breath? What’s pleasurable?
What’s not? If a woman can laugh with me, in the midst of this dance, then she has the potential for greatness.
For me. If she gets me. Laughs at my jokes. Makes me laugh. That is great.
Every relationship is different. Every woman is different.
Every guy has his ideal woman. And that ideal is as varied as the women in the world.
I still find women very mysterious and elusive. I am constantly being surprised.
Some women may enjoy being caressed on the small of the back. Others, soft kisses on the neck.
The back of the knee. An erogenous zone. Who knew?
Word to the wise, guys. What makes you warm, may leave your partner, cold.
For a woman to be truly great. She should, with humour, and patience, guide us through our fumblings.
Talk to us. Be intimate. Tell us what she desires. Ask us what we want.
Above all, give a damn. Be responsive. Because we care a lot. And bring your “A” game. Because the best of us are bringing our “A” Game. Flattery works with us, too. And if she actually means it. All the better.
To be truly great in the sack, for the two of us, there should be joy. The joy of discovery. Of intimacy. Of affection.
Of caring. And of foreplay.
Because when the foreplay becomes the play, the rest will take care of itself.