Cassy-Lee Ostlund and Mitch Wolfe in a Very Hot Poetry Slam-Hot Damn

Hotline Onion Ring

Cassy: Mitch, ever since I left the country, I've been staying home and going out less- glasses of juice and my hair’s a mess… Hanging out with cats I’ve never seen before… But yeah, I will call you on your cell phone – Late night when I need some Denny’s.

Mitch: Oh Cassy, I’ll definitely call you on my cell phone. Late night, when you are alone. Your hair’s a mess. Who cares? You make me quiver. Text your address, cause with Denny’s, I do deliver.

Cassy: Mitch, these days all I do is wonder if you’re bringing over Denny’s for someone else, wonder if you’re rolling up with grandslams for someone else, bringing things I order, getting free birthday pancakes with someone else. Gonna make your hotline bling. I need some onion rings, bring me some onion rings… That’s right I want “The D”. Some Dunkin’ Doughnuts please…

Mitch: Cassy, I only have eyes for thee, there is no place that I’d rather be, than Dunkin my donut under your tree. I’m not slammin’, rammin’ or Grandslammin’. I’m no fool. Only you can make my hotline bling, as I savor your onion ring.

Cassy: I’ma make your hotline bling, but you can’t have my onion ring. I might let you double dip. But that’s next-level IHop shit… Babe, I’m a lady, no need to get crazy, go easy on the gravy, babe go easy, I like my bacon greasy. Start with Moons Over My Hammy, but later on, Grandslam me, Those Cheddar Bacon Tots… Don’t treat me like a THOT. You ain’t like all those other guys, eating everyone’s cheese smothered fries. And I ain’t like all of those other chicks, I want a side of those chicken strips. Don’t need no diamond ring, take me to Crispy Kreme.

Mitch: I ain’t like those other sheets, I like my steak and frites, and you aint like those other dolls, you’re more Holts, than Walmart malls. So I can’t have your onion ring, I bet I can make you sing. Let me double dip you, and cherry top and nut you. I may not be hip and greasy, but I’ll love you, over easy. Put your Moons over My Hammy, and don’t forget to Grandslam me. Oh, I’ll take you to Crispy Kreme, we’ll shoot up sucrose like a dream. Though you can’t eat it any more, you’ll still beg me for S’more.