Toronto’s new Cop Services Board chair vows to end carding of rich young white dudes

(CONTENT WARNING: Satire.) Andy Pringle, incoming Toronto Police Services Board Chair and golfing buddy of Mayor Tory, promised to end once and for all the controversial carding of rich young white guys.  Especially in the heavily-policed area of central TO – white WASPy Rosedale – home of the notorious street gang, The Roxborough (Blue) Bloods.

The Bloods live in the poorer section of Rosedale – just west of Yonge Street, (known as “the wrong side of the tracks”) where the homes are narrower – driveways and garages are non-existent and parking spots on Roxborough are at a premium. The Bloods’ homes list for a paltry sum of $1- to 3-million-plus. Toronto real estate agents euphemistically refer to this somewhat scary, ghetto-like enclave as an area “in transition.”

The Bloods have attracted the attention of the federal and provincial authorities because in the past, their members (junior lawyers, analysts and young investment bankers) have earned obscene amounts of money plying their supposedly “legal” trade on Toronto’s Bay Street.

Recently released wiretap evidence indicate that the Bloods funnel huge amounts of funds offshore to the Philippines, so as to allegedly import into Canada and across provincial lines hundreds and potentially thousands of above age women, under the guise of raising and caring for their own children.  Notwithstanding that in these very same Blood households reside perfectly capable young, tall blondish trophy wives, going by the street names of Muffy, Buffy and Tuffy.

Last summer, then-Toronto Police Chief Blair launched “Project Wine Traveler”, a coordinated operation with the RCMP and Ontario LCBO officials, to stop these nefarious Bloods from importing superior but lower-priced California, French, Italian and Spanish white and red wine into Toronto, and killing (the jobs of) hundreds of overpaid, unionized LCBO workers.

This past spring the Toronto and New York stock markets have been booming. Tons of money is being made on Bay Street. As a result, hundreds of Toronto cops have taken to these streets and are aggressively and randomly stopping the Bloods and all white Rosedale guys on the mean streets of Rosedale.

Toronto’s finest, most earning in the high six figures, each sitting with tons of overtime money and unbanked sick leave, often force these Bloods out of their Porsches and Beemers and demand answers, on the spot, whether they should go long or short on the market, or just park their funds and RRSPs in high-flying mutual funds, income bonds, ETFs or more GICs.

Scott Paterson, long time Rosedale resident and former head of Yorkton Securities, used to be a member of the Roxborough Bloods. But through hard work, an opportunistic IPO, and an arranged marriage with a Rosedale princess was able to break out of this generational cycle of financial boom and bust and break away permanently from the Bloods and move into a tonier and wealthier section of Rosedale, east of Yonge Street.

Paterson shared with me the following: “I get why Toronto’s liberal media believe that the Bloods are urban pariahs. They make tons of money. They drive gas-guzzling fancy SUVs. And they personally cause gross income inequality in Toronto society. But I feel the Bloods’ pain. It is really annoying being constantly profiled, harassed and stopped by the police because these guys know how to package sketchy sub-prime debt and earn huge ‘cheddar’ in the process.”

“I hope our new mayor Tory does the right thing and stop this demeaning carding practice against this very visible, vulnerable white minority.”

As to this very point, the office of Mayor Tory recently released a statement indicating that Tory was publicly in favor of carding before he recently flip-flopped that he opposed it, after he voted at the police services board, bringing back the carding policy of 2014, which superseded the more strict anti- carding policy of 2015.

Say what?

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