Hotline No Ring: The Obama/Trudeau bromance is over

During the most recent Canadian federal election, when Liberal leader Justin “Selfie” Trudeau reached out to fellow liberal US President Barack Obama for advice, it was love at first sight.

The chemistry was palpable. Both loved basking in their own glory. Both narcissistic to the max. Barack aspired to be post-racial. Justin aspired to a good facial.

They used to chat on the presidential hotline like two love-struck teenagers. Giggling and gossiping and dissing their opponents.

But stuff happened. Their love is no more. Justin sits by his selfie phone, but Barack never calls.

With a nod to my friend, Drake, here is Justin’s lament:

“Hotline- No Ring”

You used to call me on my selfie phone
All day, when you need my vote
Call me on my selfie phone
Late night, when you need support
But your hotline no ring
That can only mean one thing
When your hotline no ring
That can only mean one thing.

Ever since I left the ISIS fight
I got a rep as a useless wimp
Europe wants to leave me out
B, you let me down, you got me kicked out

Cause ever since I left the ISIS fight, you
Started caring less, ignoring me more
Meetings with Aussies on the UN Floor
Hanging with the Dutch, don’t you care anymore?

Ever since I brought in Syrians, you, you, you
You and me, we don’t see eye to eye
I know they’re not martyrs
And would hit on your daughters
You make me feel like I did you wrong
You treat me like I don’t belong.

Ever since I backed away from ISIS
You treat me like I stepped in “scheisis”
Going to Euro meetings without me
Ever since I cut and run,
You think I’m the ballless one
Sucking up to every terrorist
With a knife or gun.

Ever since I caved on ISIS
You never call me on my selfie phone.

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